“Phoebe Langdon, Amateur Blogger”

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

I’m not sure how many times exactly I’ve sat down to type something up, only to hold down the backspace button, destroying any evidence of my efforts.

It’s been two weeks since graduation and I have to say I thought I would be enjoying my freedom much more.  Instead, it’s been a plethora of tears, applications opened in more tabs than I can count, a neglected blog, an empty wallet and an existential crisis here and there.

To make matters worse, with every article I read, and every broadcast I watch, my confidence takes a hit.  There’s so much talent already established and so much more yet to be discovered.

And then there’s me, just trying to keep my head above water, writing for a blog with two readers, my dad being one of them.

But so what?  I love to write.

So why can’t I seem to get past two paragraphs of text before giving up on my thoughts and closing my laptop?

I’m too hard on myself?  Sure.  Aren’t we all?

Intimidation?  Most definitely.

Fear of failure?  Of course.

More than anything I worry that I talked too big of a game.  Told too many people that I would make it.  “Some day Phoebe Langdon will be a household name,” I would say.

But what if it doesn’t work out?  What if, “Phoebe Langdon, sports writer” is never anything more than, “Phoebe Langdon, amateur sports blogger/burger flipper?”

Although I do make a hell of a burger, and starting my blog ended up being one of the greatest decisions I’ve made this year, it’s simply not enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved blogging.  That’s why it takes me longer than I’d like to post new content.  This is my baby, and I want it to be perfect.  It’s all I have and as of right now, the only thing keeping me sane.  If you can even call this sanity.

With family reunion season rapidly approaching, I can’t help but dread the inevitable, “So what’s next?” conversation that comes with any family interaction.

In my experience,  I’ve come to find that there are two types of people; those who are genuinely rooting for you to succeed, and those who are “Just trying to be realistic.”

Anyone who has ever met me knows that I’ve always dreamed of working in sports media.  For some, a dream is all this will ever be.  But I am being realistic here and I refuse to settle for less.

Maybe that’s why this whole post-graduation thing is freaking me out so much.

But hey, no matter what happens,  I’ll always have my blog.

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